I read through my last 3 blog posts describing the birth of Blayke. As I was reading, I thought – was everything really as awesome as I described? So many people had shared their experiences with me before babe was born and no one’s story was like mine. Like not even semi-closely related.

Women had shared stories of 48+ hour births, premature delivery, induced c-sections, cords wrapped around babies necks, meconium aspiration, epidural issues, extreme pain, NICU, cursing partners, diabetic insulin shots, and more. After hearing the stories of other strong women, I felt prepared for the worst. My mind was constantly playing Russian Roulette, with a different outcome each time. Would I be able to be as strong as they were?

I’m a firm believer in the ‘Your attitude is your choice’ mantra. Each time we hit a new stage in pregnancy (my “big-to-me” stages were nausea, out of breath – which pretty much lasted the whole time, diabetes, puffy feet/ankles at the end, and 13 days past my due date), I thought “When does the really bad stuff hit?” In a way, I think I wanted something crazy to happen so I could commiserate with everyone else and their exciting/crazy/frightening birth stories!

Throughout the pregnancy and birth, I continually thought “Well that wasn’t as bad as so-and-sos’ story, let’s just keep going and I’m sure it will get worse.” Isn’t that a horrible attitude to have? I’m sure it will get worse. Wow. Talk about being a debbie downer and pessimistic.

Hopefully, you’re not sitting there reading this thinking, “Man, what a jerk. Does Beka think her pregnancy was better than everyone else’s?” OR “I’m super jealous of how easy she made it seem/says it was”.  No, I definitely do not think my experience is better than anyone else’s. For quite a while, I was jealous my story wasn’t as “good” as everyone else’s story. However, this story is unequivocally mine. I got to the point where I had to make a conscious effort to be happy with my story, own it, and simply enjoy where I was at. Once I decided to see things through a lens of peace, things started to be a lot easier and way more enjoyable.

Pricking my finger for my blood sugar testings became a game of, what finger has an open spot without a hole in it. Running out of breath became a game of, how far can I make it up the hill without having to stop and laugh at myself for being sooo “out of shape”. Puffy feet and ankles became a forced opportunity to lay down, prop my feet up and relax. And 13 days past my due date became a chance to work on my tan, enjoy playing tour guide to our family, wakesurf, and enjoy the final hours of an 8-year marriage as a family of 3 (yes, I’m totally counting Sharma).

Choosing to have a good attitude isn’t always easy. The above “games” definitely didn’t exclude me from days of standing in the shower crying as I realized I couldn’t see my feet by looking straight down. It doesn’t mean that I was immune to anger over staring down a donut, bowl of cereal, soda, a plate of spaghetti and basically anything else with carbs that I couldn’t enjoy because of stupid diabetes. It doesn’t mean I didn’t flinch, squirm, and cry at the thought of having to prick my finger. On the plus side – I had a healthy baby growing inside of me, I didn’t gain a ton of weight because of mandatory diet control, and I didn’t have to take insulin shots.

As I wrote about the birth of B3, I realized I genuinely believed everything I wrote. Yes, everything thing really was as awesome as I wrote about!! At one point, in the middle of delivery, I remember thinking verbatim “Psh, this isn’t that bad! I could totally have more babies!” It was solely the attitude that I had chosen to have.

I’m trying to implement the ‘Your attitude is your choice’ mantra across all of walks of life. When dealing with stress at work, home, or play – the only thing I can ever control is choosing to have a good attitude. Honestly, there are some things that could easily justify a horrible attitude. But does that really get you anywhere? Not really.

When thinking about your own stories, I’d challenge you to look through rose colored glasses – they’re pretty great!